Like you, sometimes I'd like a do-over.
If I were allowed a do-over, I'd finish high school the first time. I'd go to college in my 20s instead of my 30s. I would have gone to Europe, talked to J. at the Jamie's party.
In a do-over, I'd declare my intentions to write professionally.
But, you asked for advice about your situation. I would say that writing a letter to your younger self is a great way to determine what you'd really like to do over. Then do it!
I want you to be brave, and honest, and to take risks. Because otherwise, you will remain at a standstill. And remaining immovable, as you've said, has kept you apprehensive.
Why it takes so long for us to reconcile all this, I don't know.
Happy birthday, Babe!